The reaction of women to the ongoing revelations of sexual harassment charges is of greater concern to me than the charges themselves. My concern stems from a common misunderstanding of the concept of “empowerment” which leads people to draw incorrect conclusions. Empowerment is not something someone else gives you or takes from you. Empowerment is something you give yourself and, therefore, is only absent if you relinquish it.
I do not dismiss the importance of shining a bright light on immoral, and too often, criminal behavior. It is wrong to touch, fondle, or make sexually explicit contact with the body of another human being without their consent. Such actions are that much more egregious when they occur in a work related environment and are the quid pro quo for advancing one’s career.
How someone behaves towards you is separate from whether you condone or condemn the behavior and its is definitely unrelated to how you think and feel about yourself. Certainly young children are vulnerable to developing self-images based upon how they are treated and valued by the adults around them. But, as my father used to say, “You’re 3 times 7 now so think for yourself.” Once we reach a certain age of maturity, we become responsible for what we will tolerate, the decisions we make and the consequences that flow from them.
If women want to know what is empowering the answer is dignity, which is why empowerment is an internally generated process, not a externally gifted one. No one gives you dignity. You claim it by valuing your divinity and acting accordingly.
I applaud Salma Hayek for her honesty and courage in going public in a New York Times opinion piece this week by sharing her story of suffering under the harassment and emotional abuse perpetrated by Harvey Weinstein. For much of Hayek’s story she stood her ground against Weinstein’s lewd advances and verbal abuse, and by so doing, made her efforts to bring the movie “Frida” to the screen that much more difficult.
But in the end, Hayek compromised herself to get the film made by acquiescing to Weinstein’s demand that she perform a full frontal nudity scene with another female actress. In her own words, Hayek admits that her “vomiting” and literal “nervous breakdown” over Weinstein’s demand stemmed from the fact that she knew she would be performing the scene for Weinstein’s personal pleasure not for any artistic purpose. Dignity is the key to empowerment. Hayek’s relinquishment of her dignity, her acquiescence to what she knew was demeaning and degrading, is the real crime. A crime against self. Its why she never really got over it and why it haunts her.
Assaults to our dignity as the Divine Feminine, as women, happen in large and small ways every day of our personal and professional lives. It is up to us to establish healthy and self-serving boundaries around what we will and will not tolerate. Further we must establish firm boundaries and standards around what price we are willing to pay to gain acceptance, advancement or simply to be “liked.”
As an Intuitive, I do spiritual counseling. Yesterday, a client called for a session over the phone. He began to tell me about a heated encounter he had with a superior. The client was enraged and used profanity after profanity to share the exchange and his lingering anger. I told him that I had the picture and asked him to stop using the profanity. He continued. When I asked him again he said, “That’s how I talk and I am not going to change it for you.” So I told him I don’t engage in that level of dialogue and did not intend to be the object of it. I ended the session much to his displeasure. Following the call, he texted me that he was “just venting” and that his rage wasn’t directed at me. My reply was that regardless of how he described it, I chose to not be on the receiving end of violent language and rage. I may have lost a client but I retained my integrity and my dignity.
I could have stayed on the call. After all, I bill by time. I could have endured the filthy and violent language and made money. But I have learned, through trial and error, what empowers and what makes us victims of our own cowardice. There is not enough money someone could pay me to cause me to relinquish my self-respect.
Thirty years ago I wrote an e-book titled “No More Secrets.” I believed then that we were coming upon a time in human history when the emergence of spiritual Light would prevent the kind of deception and manipulation to continue that had flourished in the shadows of humanity for thousands of years. I believe we have arrived at such times. Its why whether Harvey Weinstein or out-of-control FBI agents…deception will be revealed. This is all for the good. We humans will figure out the next steps in our conscious evolution by learning how to live with one another exhibiting greater integrity and mutual respect. Even if this learning process is painful, we will get there.
It’s why I say that our reactions as women to this now exposed, shameful behavior by certain men is more important than the behavior itself. We women must be careful not to misuse or waste this moment and this opportunity to take back the reigns of controlling our own empowerment by wrongfully shifting the focus on to those who stepped up and took power over us simply because we were remiss in relinquishing it in the first place.